Saturday, June 23, 2012

hIYA!

Or, hello! A little more sophisticated.  Wow, it's been quite awhile since I've made it here; life has been sorta busy... and I haven't been such a great manager of my time (one more thing I'm working on, ha!) I've given the site a new look and spent some time putzing around trying to figure out all of the new Blogger/Google changes. For the most part, I'm pretty pleased!

So, once again I'm committing to give priority to my creative pursuits. And to be a WAY better manager of my days. I was once told this little quip, "God doesn't call His children to perfection, just progress." I like it; it reminds me to give myself grace and to stop stressing about how far I think I still need to go and to instead celebrate the incredible progress He's walked me through so far. Yeah, I like it...

Funny thing, when I first sat down yesterday to make a new post, I felt a little lost. I've been busy, my attention drawn in many different ways, so I thought I'd write about that. As I pondered what to share I realized that not only was I tapping on the keys (not typing) but I couldn't find words to say what was swirling around in my head. I KNOW! Me? No words? The world must be at its end!!!  I prayed a little, asking for clarity to be able to write about the things I've been learning. Still, nothing. And then I realized my problem was staring me in the face. I glanced across the room and spotted my Bible and, I'm ashamed to say, It was pretty darn dusty. With a heavy sigh, I shut my computer and, I'd like to say that I grabbed my Bible and read until revelation struck, but I didn't. I went to bed.

As I was falling asleep I thought about how easy it had once been to sit down at my computer or with a journal in hand and just write. Sometimes just a random flow of thought; sometimes, letters to God in the way I would write an old friend. I found it easy to let the things He was teaching me to become the basis of my words. Writing helps me immensely to sort out what I'm feeling and thinking; I gain clarity into myself, my life, and God's incredible character when I take the time to write. But I also realized that, I believe, part of the ease and the revelation came from being consistently in the Word. That's something I've become pretty lax about lately. As I drifted to sleep I realized that I really miss that sense of connection with my Saviour. It's time to take my dedication to my spiritual growth to a new place. It's time for consistency and perseverance. So, as I start this new week, I'm decided that I'm going to recommit myself to passionately pursuing greater knowledge of the Bible and, in doing that, gain the increased awareness of God's presence and love. I can't wait to see what He has in store; I'm certain it'll be amazing!

As a part of this, I'm currently reading two books by 2 of my favorite Christian authors: "The Battlefield of the Mind," by Joyce Meyers; and, "A Gentle Thunder," by Max Lucado. One is giving me a greater understanding of the power of spiritual warfare and how just simply choosing what I think about can give me victories. The other is a sweet and gentle reminder - kind of like a lullaby - about God's immense power and overwhelming love. They're both really good books!  I am also taking a part in a 12 Step Study through a program called Celebrate Recovery. It's a Christ centered way to achieve victory over life controlling issues. It's pretty powerful! I attend the group for co-dependency; growing up with an alcoholic father it's a no-brainer that I struggle with those tendencies. At first, though, I found it hard to identify with any co-dependant behaviours in myself. I just couldn't see it; and I've found that that - blindness or an inability to understand a certain behaviour or character trait - is a good indicator for me that I'm struggling with it. Here's the really neat thing: I do see co-dependency behaviours showing themselves, but not as much as before.  God has shown me that He has delivered me from many aspects of this; but He's also shown me that the ones still present are really good at hiding and disguising. This part of my journey has definitely been about digging long and hard and removing deep, deep roots. But the freedom is indescribable!

In closing, I have lots of good things - projects - on the horizon. And I've got butterflies in my tummy at the thought of the good things God has in store. This is a really, really good place to be; I am grateful more than I can adequately express. The past decade has felt more like 100 hard years. But, God is good, all the time!

In His love,

Tonya

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