I'm feeling a wee bit of computer glut. It easily goes back to the whole, "I love the internet," sentiments I have. There are just so many wonderful things to see and to find! Yet, The past 6 weeks or so I've been attached to it as if by an umbelical cord... I get so lost in all of the pretties... but everything else seems to get pushed to the side: serious house-cleaning, reading, t.v. (beleive it or not) and so many other things! Even coloring my hair! Yikes! I always feel about 10 years older when I don't color every 4 weeks. Although, I am gaining so much gray that I could probably stand to do it every 3 weeks. But, this is not supposed to be about complaining over the inevitability of aging and all of its effects and horrors... I mean, DELIGHTS!
My favorites so far are the Ailene's Petite Fashions with the patterns from France and Russia at very close second. The APF's are traditional American Barbie doll fashions, think vintage 50's, 60's and 70's. The Russian ones have amazing details, some are a little corny, but the details just blow me away! And the trims they've used are, well, drool-worthy. And then there's the French collections - WOW! Makes some of the American designs look like K-Mart compared to Nordstroms. Not only are the fabrics and trims sensational, but the designs are classic! Even the way they fit the doll is perfection. I tell ya what, those French know how to do fashion!
Now, on to other things... We've been attending a new church since Mother's Day. Even just writing that here makes all kinds of emotions bubble to the top: we should have never had to look for a new church. God's people are supposed to be the standard of grace, kindness and forgiveness. (Among other things.) Why bother? How do we know if this is the right place? What if they don't have opportunities to serve in the areas God has clearly spoken for us to be involved; even giving confirmation this very week of what those things are - and are not? What if it ends up being the same old, same old? These are just the tip of the iceberg!
I suppose the key is knowing steadfastly what God has already clearly said. Jump in. Serve. Trust. Sing. Connect. Jump in: don't wait for 7 years to decide you're going to be a contributing part of the church body. Serve: you know this is the best way to releive depression; get my mind off of me and look to the needs of others. Trust: I decide where you need to be; I move people, circumstances. I have a plan to prosper and not harm you. Sing: No matter how deep the pain, you can sing to Me... worship Me. Connect: you need people, it's how I mold you and shape you to be more like My Son - as iron sharpens iron... To be frank, I really don't seem to be able to muster up even the desire to do these things. Hmmm... I just realized that those five things are in line with the 5 purposes of the Christian life as defined by Rick Warren.
Jump in: Ministry
I can't seem to get away from what God's calling me to do & be even in my random ramblings and thoughts! (heavy sigh...)
"Blessed Be Your Name." I love this song, I have since the first time I heard it. It has a line in the bridge that goes, "He gives and takes away." I've always thought of this in terms of, "He gives us good things, and takes away things we may want." Lately though, the Holy Spirit has been adding a new shade to its meaning. "He gives us the opportunity to change through difficulties and takes away those things that wound us." I can't get away from the Truth that He knows everything about me and He knows the best things for me. This is so hard to swallow when things are hard, when it feels like He's stripping away everything that is important to me. It is humbling to remember that He's only doing it to make me a better person.
At the beginning of last year the promise He gave me for this year (2009) is that this will be a year that all of the seeds we've (me & hubby) sown are coming together and on the verge of coming to fruition. He even confirmed it this fall, same words: the seeds we've sown are about to come to fruition. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing! It's really hard for me to see where I've sown good seeds in the past few years; my service has seemed feeble and impotent. But the Spirit whispers, " You've been sowing seed longer than the past 2 or 3 years. Don't give up now." And then the message He gave Patrick almost two years ago, "It's worth it. All the pain, all the sorrow, all the loss - it is worth it in exchange for what He's going to give you." And then there's the confirmation - He speaks to me through music like a ton of bricks - given to me through the song, "Worth It All," by FFH.
The promise for this year is, "Supernatural Order." He is going to be putting all things back in order. He is a god of order. He wants things done in an orderly fashion. In order, He is glorified. I'm not entirely clear about what the entirety of this is, but I can only hope and pray that those seeds that have been on the cusp of fruition are going to produce sweet, fragrant, incredibley good fruit; and that that will be the beginning of regaining order in my life this year.
In His love,